I don't like water

When I was in junior high, there was a kid that was a year older than me, and much bigger than everyone else. He was a typical teenage boy in that he loved to be mean to anyone who would give him the satisfaction of giving him a response. I was never a huge fan of his (I didn't hate him, but I did do my best to avoid him,) but then one day, in the middle of summer, I got a phone call and they told me he had died. He had gone swimming in the Snake River and had gotten sucked under in the current. He was swimming next to a dam, and it was just too strong for even him, and he was a big, strong, athletic kid. When I heard the news, I went running outside and down the road and just bawled. I may not have liked him sometimes, but this just seemed unfair. I remember screaming at the heavens, "Why God?? Why did this have to happen??" It was the first time I had ever had to deal with an early and untimely death, and it was really rough on me.

Well, I just found out that a girl I used to babysit was killed this weekend, also a casualty of the Snake River. This is so hard for me--I can't even grasp that it is right. It doesn't feel like this could truly be happening. I went to this family's house every day, Monday through Friday, and watched Ashley and her two older brothers, for two summers. I was a part of the family. I did dishes, laundry, cleaned, watched the kids--we would go to the park and play, we would walk back to my house and play there. We would go outside and pet the horses--Ashley loved horses and was endlessly fascinated by them, even the onrey ones. She was only 4 years old the first summer, and 5 years old the second summer, so she was still just a young kid, but boy did we all have fun together. I really loved that family.

This article here talks about trying to find her body, and not being able to. I still just can't believe it's true. They came to my reception when I got married, I sent them postcards when traveling over in Jerusalem--this just isn't fair. Ashley was a good kid.

I have never been a huge fan of water. Last summer, I went floating down a fast-moving river with my family in intertubes, and I got knocked off of my intertube and couldn't get back on. I screamed bloody murder for probably 10 minutes because I was petrified at the thought of drowning. I would hate to die of course, but for me, I have always had this especially strong fear of drowning. I'm not sure why, but that fear is very, very strong. I have never been a great swimmer, and I have no desire to change that.

This happening, two people dying from drowning in the Snake River--you may never see me in a bathing suit again. I still just cannot fully comprehend it. Ashley was so much fun, and a good person. She wasn't perfect by any means, but I loved her a lot. Since I was at her house every day, all day long, some times she would slip up and call me Mom. She was a very special kid to me.

Anyway, thanks for listening, everyone. I just needed an outlet to talk.

Havs